States Visited

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I'm a racist with a psychological disorder...

At least that's what I've learned about myself on the Internet in the last few weeks from people who must be smarter than me because they get paid to write.

I wasn't aware of my racist-ness until it was pointed out to me that it simply isn't possible to disagree with President Obama on philosophical or economic grounds. The only possible explanation for my disagreement with his policies is my latent racism. I am truly thankful that such brililant, kind, generous people exist in this world to point out the miserable failings of a wretch like me.

I have also learned that I am apparently suffering from an as-yet-undiagnosed psychological disorder, possibly brought on by some sort of traumatic deprivation as a child, that manifests itself in the form of libertarian thoughts and leanings. This is rather frightening because I have no memories of any such deprivation. I'm certain it must be because the trauma was so severe that my conscious mind has blocked those memories. I hate my parents for what they must have done. It is becoming increasingly clear to me that children are much too precious to be left to ignorant parents to teach and raise. Again, I must thank my betters for assisting me through my illness.

In addition to my problems outlined above, some very kind-hearted souls in various message boards have helped me understand that I am selfish, uncaring, inhuman, greedy, and something of a monster. I must also be suffering from several other problem, including being a bad judge of character, since I have managed to surround myself with lots of friends, none of whom have bothered to point out my problems or offer to help me find professional assistance with them and I have been able to hide my disorders from family, acquaintances, employers, etc., for many, many years.

I certainly hope that President Obama's health care plan provides adequate funding for the rehabilitation of people like me. Clearly, I am becoming a danger to myself and others and will need to be confined soon. I believe the government has already implemented a fairly developed program for dealing with difficult cases and put it into practice down in Guantanamo.

Until then, I'm going to wear my tin foil hat as often as I can without being a distraction and try to resist the temptation to indulge myself in any libertarian thoughts. I'm also going to start the process of trying to cure myself of these problems. Every night before bed I will offer a prayer of thanks to our caring government and my kind, loving brothers and sisters for helping me through my illnesses. I will then, with all my heart and desire to believe, repeat to myself until I fall asleep: 2 + 2 = 5.